Posts Tagged ego
Anxiety and Stress – Out of the Blue
Posted by Jacob in Stress Management on September 6th, 2009
What do you do when you get an anxiety attack or high stress levels out of the blue? Well, we’ve been through this many times on Sane Advice haven’t we. We just accept the current situation and accept the fact that we ALL have some “bad days” no matter how centered and relaxed with “think” we are.
So last post I was actually writing in the middle of a full blown panic attack which was quite the experiment for me. I could still think and type words on my computer, but I was literally in a huge anxiety fog or cloud. I tried to analyze what was going on in my life, and figure out why I was so freaked out all of a sudden. I looked at my personal life, my relationships, my sleep patterns, eating patterns, exercise routine (or lack thereof), my financial situation, my fun factor, my business, my medication – my health, and on and on and on and on. Of course thinking about it didn’t help much – just made it worse of course.
Then all of a sudden it lifted. For no rhyme or reason, my fear, extreme anxiety, and stress lifted. So out of the blue, the stress came on hard, and then the stress just left. The only thing I did different that seemed to help allot was the meditation I started doing with my brother and sister-in-law. they had just come back from Whistler, B.C., where they went to a Deepak Chopra event that lasted 6 days and nights. They went deep into the practices of relaxation, physical and mental centering, and you name it. They are meditating twice a day now, and it has changed their lives for the better. I will also be meditating going forward because it did make a huge difference in how I felt. Meditation may be the reason my anxiety just floated away out of the blue.
One thing I noticed before the stress came, was my “stinkin’ thinkin”. For some reason I was telling myself that everything I saw was crap. No matter how much I tried to remind myself of the truth – the truth being that everything is actually beautiful and perfect, which makes the ego mind very angry. In fact, when the ego mind is angry and making itself miserable, just hearing the truth drives it crazy.
I know enough now about how the ego mind works, that I should know better than to let it run amuck – right! – right!? ……… wrong. We all have our days (and sometimes weeks) when our egos take full control of our minds and bodies. When the ego is having full rein of our day(s) it goes hard like a starving bear in bakery.
I told my wife what was going on, and I said to her,
You know when the universe told my ego about enlightenment, it thought it heard entitlement.
She said,
Did you just make that up?
We both agreed that was kinda funny, so i thought I would share the line with you. You see, life is strange – we wake up one morning and decide that everything is pure bunk, and we completely throw out everything that is real and true. We know that this is the ego sensing some weakness, and pouncing into have a hay-day with misconceptions, exaggerations, fear, anger, and all around STINKIN’ THINKIN’. Now I didn’t make up that old phrase. That was something I heard my mother use after her Al-Anon meetings and readings.
I can see that in the future of my own life, these bouts with stinkin’ thinkin’ will be less and less frequent. I truly believe everything I say here on the blog, and I truly believe what Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Michael Beckwith, the Dali Lama, Eckhart Tolle, Jesus, and Buddha are saying. The step that I (and we) need to take is from believing to KNOWING.
We can read all of the blogs and books, go to seminars, watch DVDs, and listen to CDs until we saturate our minds with the truth – that helps – I’m not saying it doesn’t, but we have to get to stage of knowing, and not just believing. This is where meditation and lifestyle comes in. This is when discipline comes in. This is what the ego dislikes intensely.
The ego still wants to be lazy, sleep in, eat whatever it wants, never exercise, watch T.V. for many hours at a time, smoke, take drugs, drink alcohol excessively, and complain whenever possible about everything it sees. When you change these lifestyle patterns with discipline knowing comes in and believing becomes concrete.
Imagine never watching the news, reading a newspaper, or sad and violent television programming. Imagine never filling your body with cigarette smoke, or chewing tobacco. Imagine never drinking more than one glass of wine in a two month period. Imagine meditating twice a day for 20-30 minutes. Imagine exercising every day. Imagine only eating good food and never to excess. Just imagine.
For most of us humans floundering around, we have trouble imagining the above, because we have never lived liked that, and we shudder (or should I say our egos shudder) at such a lifestyle. I just read the above paragraph back to myself and it scares the crap out of me! (just kiddin’) But just imagine how we would feel. I read that and I think of how much that would change the lives of the people around me. I would be living a much different life of sure.
My suggestion to all (and to myself) is to slowly start bringing that lifestyle into reality. Start by eating “a little bit” better. Start meditating 5 minutes a day. Take a really short walk around the block every couple of days. If you smoke cigarettes, try cutting back a few cigarettes a day. You can do that by not smoking from pure habit, and only when you are really having a nicotine withdrawal reaction. Just start slow, and move towards healthier habits. DO NOT go hard and make yourself miserable by infuriating the ego. Be kind to your ego and treat like the spoiled little whiner child that it is. Slowly take your ego by the hand and compliment it on it’s efforts. Tell your ego that you are just going to back off the unhealthy habits “a little bit”, and tell your ego you have no intention of getting rid of it. Tell the ego the truth – it will always be there and a part of you, but it doesn’t have to fear anything. Say to your ego,
Everything is going to be O.K.
Which it is. The ego does like to hear these words too. Don’t forget that the ego is frightened at the prospect of ANY change at all. It fears goodness and happiness changes, it fears badness and unhappiness changes too. It wants everything to stay the same, because it’s barely hanging on to accepting what it real and what is now.
So when you are making these changes in your life, little by little, remind your ego that everything is going to be O.K. You can use affirmations which you can repeat over in your head. These affirmations are a wonderful method of quieting the frightened ego and it’s childish fears.
So when you see that out of the blue, you are feeling frightened, angry, unsatisfied with what is, or just plain sad and depressed, just know that it’s the ego at work, and it’s days and hours are surely numbered – and they are. The ego’s total control usually only lasts a day or so in most humans, before reality sets in and they begin to feel better.
For those of us who have BIGGER egos, we can go into the pain for weeks and sometimes months at a time. We end up sometimes taking medication just to calm ourselves down. We sometimes consumer unhealthy things like alcohol, drugs, and massive amounts of nicotine to try and feel better. Those of us with the big egos will suffer more, but we TOO swing out of the funk and begin “getting real again”. That’s when we can start making some gradual changes towards a better lifestyle.
Gotta run – gonna go play some golf today.
Love ya – Jacob
Writing This Post While In Panic (Ego and Anxiety)
Posted by Jacob in Anxiety Help on August 24th, 2009
Today I want to talk a little bit about the relationship between the ego and anxiety in a personal way. Ironically, I have had allot of anxiety these past few days, and I’m now processing and using my anti-anxiety tool kit to put everything back in perspective. As I write this I am in the anxiety cloud stage which I have talked about before. So here we go.
Notice how your mind is being used to visualize these things I’m asking you to visualize. Notice how the mind is simply a tool that the ego will try to hijack, but yet it’s a tool your true self uses as well. The difference is that your true self uses the mind correctly, while the ego uses your mind incorrectly.
When you FEEL you true self using your mind correctly, you will feel a sensation of witnessing. Your goal is to let “the witness” have ownership of your mind. The witness is actually the universal mind speaking through you. You will be finally conscious to reality, and not the falsehoods your ego has been perpetuating.
If you are thinking any scary thoughts, or fears, don’t you worry! This is just the frightened ego panicking. The ego is not your enemy though, O.K. – look upon your ego as nothing more than a frightened child that needs some direction. It’s never about killing your ego – it’s all about accepting and witnessing your ego, and taking it by the hand with love and kindness.
What we’re doing here is taking your ego by the hand and going for a walk. Explain to your ego that everything is going to be fine. Tell your ego things like, “Don’t worry – we’ll have lots of fun in the future, and I have not forgotten you.”
Tell your ego that you love him or her. Tell your ego that you are going to look after everything, and that it will never be alone. Then tell your ego that you are going to take control the reins for awhile, because it has been worrying much too much about the future, and feeling much to much guilt about the past.
Explain to your ego that it’s NOT going crazy in any way. Explain to your ego that it’s just a normal human trait to feel these emotions from time to time. Remember that all of this fear will pass. Remember that any time you are feeling frightened, it’s the ego in you that is trying to take the wheel for total control.
Gently, with a loving touch, ease your ego’s fingers off the steering wheel. Put a hand on your ego’s head and turn to look him or her in the eye. At this point of the thought process, imagine seeing your ego face to face. You may see a child which is very common. (this is what some in the recovery movement do to identify their “inner child” and forgive it with love. When recovery movements, therapies, or self-help literature speak of the inner child, they are actually describing of the ego)
All you want to do is loosen the grip your worried ego has and allow the true presence of yourself take over. When you have worry free days, and you feel happy, content, and not afraid, you are feeling positive about the future and present moment. You are not moved by guilt of the past, or remorse of the past either. You are not moved by guilt just because you thought badly of other people. When you have these great days, it’s your ego feeling satisfied with everything going on in your life currently, and your true self rejoices in the bliss of the moment because it’s always been there waiting patiently for your ego to understand that “everything is alright”.
Unfortunately, when your life situation is not ideal, and there is external stress to deal with, your ego can begin to feel overwhelmed and afraid. It then tries paint everything black and tries to block out your eternal bliss. This is when you are miserable and anxious. Some people spill all their anger, fear, rage, and misery outwards, causing suffering and pain for all others around them. They feel some relief for a brief instance, and then their ego manages to quickly start “beating themselves up”, causing even more anxiety for themselves. Often when this kind of ego enslavement is in action the human will then resort to some sort of drug or alcohol “solution”, which is also brief, and followed by more guilt, physical discomfort, and more external drama perpetrated on other human beings. This is what the Bible and other faith-based teachings define as hell – and all along it never HAS to be this way.
Now for those who suffer from anxiety, we usually internalize our ego-based anger, sadness, fear, and loathing. This causes our anxiety disorders. Remember the old bumper sticker and poster of the 1970’s that had this saying?,
“Stress: The confusion created when one’s mind overrides the body’s basic desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it”
This is an ego-based statement. It’s surely funny, but why is it so funny? Because it’s makes us laugh at our silly human egos. We all have moments in our lives when we are really angry (disconnected from reality) and we think to ourselves something like, “I’d like to punch that person out”.
Of course, the vast majority of people on earth don’t act on a thought like that, because deep inside we know it’s a ridiculous and hateful thing to do, and we’re afraid of what will happen as well. So when we have a chance to laugh at our own angry moments and negative emotions, it’s a great relief. I think I’ve mentioned before that laughing at yourself (or your ego actually) is great therapy when you are stressed out.
This funny saying is true in some ways for people who suffer from anxiety sometimes. We don’t spill outward our fear and anger because we don’t want to hurt or upset others. We take it inward and not outward. On a purely temporary point of view, it would seem that the person who spills out their grief and pain on others is better off – but not in the long run. In the long run these people suffer much more, and are usually left without any kind of human support later in life.
The trick to relieving anxiety for most people is to accept it for it’s temporary existance, literally laugh at your fear, ease off the self absorbtion with activity and movement, and stop taking ourselves so seriously. In other words, stop taking ego-based and false selves so seriously.
Have you ever seen some of the pictures of Buddha laughing. This is what the truth is. The truth is fearless and alive. We can laugh at ourselves as a way to disspate the ego which controls our mind processes during stress bouts.
Try chuckling and laughing at all things you’ve been worried about or sad about. I know how hard it is to that when you are in the middle of a stressful time, but it can help a little – if not briefly.
Rest assured that your anxiety will be gone soon, and always has in the past. It is NOT a permanent thing. With or without medication, you will get through the stressful times, and realize how silly your little ego is to so afraid.
So to update my current situation as I write this post. I still feel like I’m in the anxiety cloud and writing about anxiety is probably not the best thing to do at the moment, but honestly, and look at all times of anxiety as a chance to learn. Even as I have been in the full anxiety mode today, I deep down inside feel like there is hope, bright blue sky days, happy happy times, beautiful sunsets and sunrises, smiling faces, and stress free days, weeks, months, and years ahead of me.
This is the true mystery of the human mind – even when our egos are taking everything so seriously, and is making our days miserable, we can still feel that somewhat distant voice of reality that is never gone. It’s quietly speaking the truth about the beauty of life, and when the clouds of anxiety pass by, the blue sky of peace and tranquility will be waiting for us. Just writing this makes me feel better.
This is the first time that I’ve ever written a post while under extreme stress so it’s interesting. I’m not sure how long I will continue writing, but the words seem to keep coming out.
My wife is almost ready now to go out, and we putting our dogs (two Golden Retrievers) in our little GMC truck, and going to the dump (landfill) to get rid of some dirt and branches we cleared away a couple of weeks ago. It’s a perfectly blue sky day today, and you would have to wonder why I would feel anxious at all. I have a big house in an upscale neighborhood, a perfect job for me (which is blogging from home) and pays very well, our kids are both out of the house and doing very well. It’s late August and it’s warm and perfect. Our financial house is in order and we are in good health. We travel all the time because our job’s allow for this kind of freedom. We do that in a brand new motor home we bought last year. So how could I possibly feel anxiety? Good question. I don’t quite know either, but I have a guess.
It means so much to me that other people are doing OK in the world, and I can easily get very wrapped up in the “state of the world”. I also get very wrapped in United States politics, and the last 9 years has been difficult to watch. Seeing all of the problems Americans are going through has caused me alot of stress – basically I have caused myself allot of stress because I have chosen to let me ego take control and lament about the plight of others. It’s hard for me to see the suffering of others and write if off as part of the divine order of life on earth.
I know that there are other countries and other peoples who are suffering much more than Americans, but I have always felt that if American can get it’s act together, there is a chance for the rest of world. It’s like the flight attendant that tells parents to make sure they have their oxygen mask on first before helping their children. I use this as a metaphor for the United States and the world. If the U.S.A can get it together, they can help with influence in the rest of the world. Not with leathal weapons, but with compassion, leadership, and diplomacy. It’s a dream – a good dream, but for my own stress levels I have to accept that there is tragedy in the world, and that I will not see what I perceive to be a perfect world. This is the naive state that my adult mind still plays with sometimes.
This is how over-sized my own ego is. It will actually try and convince me that I should feel guilt for the suffering of others, because I have been so lucky. This is why I started Saneadvice.com, and why I don’t use my real name, and why there is no advertising on this site. I needed to create a web site that helps people through their anxiety issues, without me gaining from it, and without me taking credit for it.
(I have other web sites that are not about self-help and anxiety, and they are purely for making money. This is why my wife and I free and make a good living)
I think the reason I am so anxious today is because it is tax time, it’s the month end, and I’v been feeling tired and a little ill. I have been watching too much news as the United States Congress, Senate, and Whitehouse grapple with trying to fix their nation’s healthcare problem. I see some extreme so-called right-wing people trying to scare people for the sake of large profit hungry insurance companies, and medical services related companies. I see the elected politicians in the U.S. government taking contributions from these same private companies which is the ultimate in conflict of interest. Meanwhile I see over 35 million people in the United States who don’t have health care at all, and hundreds of thousand of others losing the health care they have. I see the great injustice of all this, and I get very angry. This is pure ego, and I’ll feel better when I just let it go. I can pray for these people. I can pray for the United States and World, and really that is the best I can do.
So this too maybe what has brought on this anxiety. Like I have said before, it’s usually a combination of things adding up over time which bring on anxiety problems, and it alway means I have been processing what I see the wrong way. In order to see the reality of life I can’t be constantly telling myself how messed up the world is, or people are. I have to stop judging so many things as bad, or “not right”, and I have to give up control all together. Just let things be as they are and accept it. Then I have to learn once again what is the truth.
The truth is that I don’t have to take myself so seriously, and I’m NOT going to “save the world”, and I’m not heading for a personal disaster. As all people who have experienced extreme anxiety know – our common sense feels like it’s impossible to grasp when we are “out there” consumed with fear.
I must say that now I feel much better because of what just happened in our living room. My wife’s computer was not working for her, and it was something very simple and I knew it. I got frustrated, and as I was trying to help her (as quickly as possible) I acted angry in my face expressions, and tone of voice. I fixed her monitor problem, and then I apologized for seeming angry, and explained that I was feeling stress.
She responded by saying, “Oh, I thought you were just being an insensitive prick.” I began to laugh out loud and so did she. There is an inside joke here and it goes like this.
I told my wife once that when I’m deeply anxious I get quieter, I eat less, I move by body (more exercise), I stop smoking, and I become more aware of how I am treating others. I told her that when I’m feeling better, I’m less sensitive to others, I over eat, I don’t exercise, I smoke, I don’t worry. She said jokingly,
“So let me get this right – when you are feeling good, you are a fat and lazy insensitive prick” We both started to laugh loudly. This is good comfort to laugh at yourself.
Well we must go to the dump now. This post has helped move things along in my discission on the ego and how serious we can get. We must learn to float and not get “bent out of shape” when things we see and witness don’t go according to our egos.
The answer to my stress today is very simple friends – my little ego is upset because it is not seeing exactly what it wants. When I give up this ego and learn to laugh at my ego, I will start to feel like “myself again”.
Sorry if anyone reading Saneadvice.com ever thought that I had “my shit together” completely, and that I never have extreme anxiety on some days. The reality is that no human ever totally conquers their ego. We can learn to live with our ego though, and we can spend most all our time relaxing in the moment.
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