Hi Jacob,

I came across your site a few days ago when I was researching paxil. As an anxious person starting the medication, it was HUGELY helpful to hear Sane Advice about it! I have now become “relaxed” (all things considered lol) about taking it.

I have been doing some reading on your blog and it’s been helpful, but I have a question about something that I haven’t seen addressed on the blog. What do you do about situations that you avoid because you’re afraid that something bad will happen? For instance, I’m 23 but I don’t drive or even have a license and I don’t have a job.

It’s kind of embarrassing, but I have avoided these things because I am afraid of what might happen. I see myself out on the road driving and panicking/freezing up and making a stupid mistake. I see myself at a job and having something happen like getting really bad menstrual cramps, getting sick, getting acid reflux (all things I deal with), and then me freaking out and something horrible happening.

I’ve told myself that i don’t actually know what will happen until I try and that I need to just get out and do it, push through my fears, that it probably won’t be as bad as I think it will be, etc. etc. But I’m still holding back, even though I’m getting really tired of not moving forward in my life.

It’s quite frustrating and I’m not sure what to do. Will being on paxil make it easier for me to do these things? Do I need a change in my thinking? Do I need to just get out there and try in spite of my fears? I would like to hear your thoughts on the subject if you get the chance. Thanks!

Answer:

Sorry it took so long to answer back. Very busy with everything these days.
 
It sounds like you are on you way to learning more about how to process thought, or more importantly, how to NOT TAKE YOUR THOUGHTS so seriously.
 
Paxil does work, and my advice is to let that give you some time learn how to change the way you look at things. If you change the way you look a things the things around you change.

I am creating a new section on Sane Advice that I will be taking in free audio so that you can listen any time you want when you are having an anxious day or moment. I have been listening to others for a long time and it helps to have that
voice as your friend. A friend that reminds you that you are going to be OK and that you are not alone.
 
Try not to worry about anything, and when you DO, try not to take your fearful thoughts all that seriously.

Jacob

Hi there Jacob,

Well I was on Paxil Cr years ago and weaned myself off and well now my panic attacks and anxiety have been coming back. So I went to the doctors and got another prescription for Paxil CR 25mg and will be starting them tomorrow. 

I have been reading your site and everything on it is me in a nutshell.  I am really worried about starting them again and the side effects and I did read what you said about them not killing me, but as I am sure your well aware the mind is a powerful thing. 

I will start taking them tomorrow morning because I want my life back! and am I ever scared! The doctor gave me the 25 mg because I was on it before and I suggested it but for 5 days I have been in worry about starting them again and what it will be like.  My mind is in a tailspin I keep thinking maybe I don’t need to do this, or maybe I should have asked for a lower dosage, and so and so on. Like I said Tailspin.

What I do want to know is since reading your site, I noticed that everyone is talking about taking Paxil and well Im taking Paxil Cr is it the same thing?

I have bookmarked your site and I will continue to go to it for advice and for calming.  I really appreciate it that you have this site and found relief while reading it as I knew I wasn’t alone in this that other suffer the same and have the same questions and fears.  Which I always deep down knew this but like I said before the mind is a powerful thing. 

If you have further advice I would love to hear it.

Thank you again

Betty

Answer;

Hello Betty,
 
Ah yes. Your mind has been playing a collection of fears again like an old movie. You are going to be OK. Try to not take your thoughts seriously right now. After a week and a half you will begin to calm down as Paxil takes it’s effect.
 
This time, when you are calmer (and you will be soon), start reading materials that explain how the mind can be slowed down.
 
We, sufferers of anxiety, are people that have had a life history of creating negative fantasies, and have spent long periods of time without reminding ourselves that OUR mind’s judgments and fears are not real. We need to re-learn what is real.
 
Reality is that you are OK. Reality is that you will be just fine. Reality is that you DON’T have to be in control of everything. Reality is that you can just let WHAT IS, BE as it IS, and not judge it. That includes judging yourself as broken, or somehow defective.
 
There is nothing defective about YOU – the REAL you. It’s only your mind that has been hijacked by your ego – scaring you.
 
In reality there is nothing to be afraid of. In reality you are never alone. In reality all is well.
 
Sure, “things happen” that will shake up our egos because our egos fear loss of form so much. Or egos fear losing friends, lovers, family members, money, houses, cars, social status, old age, health, etc. etc. etc.
 
When we lose a job, monthly income, a wife, a husband, a parent, a child, a home, or whatever…….our egoic minds go into tailspins. And EVEN IF WE ARE NOT LOSING THOSE THINGS AT THE MOMENT, our egos fear losing them some day.
 
When we learn to face the FACTS of life, losing these forms is not bad. It’s only natural.
 
Have you ever noticed that when we spend days, weeks, months, or years worrying about something “bad happening”, and when (if) that “bad thing” does happen, we find out that it wasn’t SO BAD AT ALL! In fact, the change in form, or loss of form sometimes brings us back to a place where reality lives.
 
The only reality is this very second. All that matters is this very second as you read this. Ask yourself this;
 
“At this very moment what is lacking?”
 
- is your body in pain (probably not)
- are you dying (no)
- are you homeless (no)
- is the world bad (no)
- are you losing your mind (no)
 
Our egoic minds want to ignore the present moment and keep you worried about the future.

Our egoic minds want to ignore the present moment and keep you believing the past was scary and bad.
 
Both of these egoic beliefs are false, false, and more false.
 
Burn up time. Burn up the past and the future.
 
Go out for a walk and take notice of how still the trees are that you see. If you live in a major city, walk to a park and look a the grass and trees and notice how still they are. If a willow tree to could speak English, and you asked it,
 
“What time is it?”
 
It would say, “Now, the time is now….there is nothing else”.
 
If you could ask a cow what his worries were, or tell it about your worries, it would laugh and giggle,
 
“What is worry??? I don’t understand…..everything is fine right now.”
 
We humans are the only living things on this planet that have MINDS and EGOS. Us humans are the only living things on this earth that make up fears and fantasies about the future, and create remorse of the past.
 
Shut that mind of yours off! When it kicks back to thinking it’s 60,000 thoughts a day again, be aware of it, and shut if off again.
 
I know that doing that may seem impossible right now, but that is OK. Even if you continue to worry this week, don’t resist anything. JUST BE AWARE of the fact that your egoic mind it trying to run the show. Just watch your thoughts and DON’T BELIEVE your thoughts.
 
At some point a quiet little voice will be heard whispering,
 
“It’s OK….you are wonderful, and life is not scary. Life is not bad. Life is good, and I have so many wonderful things for you to see. Be still darling. There is nothing to be afraid of – ever.”
 
That quiet little voice is the real you – that real you is who you can believe in. That real you is in all humans, and we are all connected. That real you is in the stillness deep in the ocean, or in the clouds silently moving by in the sky. That real you is in the willow tree that resists nothing and allows everything to be as it is.
 
So if any of these words have helped you, this is what you need to do more of. Find writings, videos, and audio CDs that point to the truth. The truth is good, perfect, and decent. Just like you.

When you get chance, pick up these audio books from Echart Tolle – they will help you SO much. I listen to these two CD collections every couple of weeks to remind myself of what is real. These two audio sets have changed millions of lives. Transformed mine.

1. The FindHorn Retreat – You’ll Laugh, Snicker, and FEEL Really Good
2. The Power of Now – Really helps calm our minds down and learn the art of living without stress.

 Jacob

Notice how your mind is being used to visualize these things I’m asking you to visualize. Notice how the mind is simply a tool that the ego will try to hijack, but yet it’s a tool your true self uses as well. The difference is that your true self uses the mind correctly, while the ego uses your mind incorrectly.

When you FEEL you true self using your mind correctly, you will feel a sensation of witnessing. Your goal is to let “the witness” have ownership of your mind. The witness is actually the universal mind speaking through you. You will be finally conscious to reality, and not the falsehoods your ego has been perpetuating.

If you are thinking any scary thoughts, or fears, don’t you worry! This is just the frightened ego panicking. The ego is not your enemy though, O.K. – look upon your ego as nothing more than a frightened child that needs some direction. It’s never about killing your ego – it’s all about accepting and witnessing your ego, and taking it by the hand with love and kindness.

What we’re doing here is taking your ego by the hand and going for a walk. Explain to your ego that everything is going to be fine. Tell your ego things like, “Don’t worry – we’ll have lots of fun in the future, and I have not forgotten you.”

Tell your ego that you love him or her. Tell your ego that you are going to look after everything, and that it will never be alone. Then tell your ego that you are going to take control the reins for awhile, because it has been worrying much too much about the future, and feeling much to much guilt about the past.

Explain to your ego that it’s NOT going crazy in any way. Explain to your ego that it’s just a normal human trait to feel these emotions from time to time. Remember that all of this fear will pass. Remember that any time you are feeling frightened, it’s the ego in you that is trying to take the wheel for total control.

Gently, with a loving touch, ease your ego’s fingers off the steering wheel. Put a hand on your ego’s head and turn to look him or her in the eye. At this point of the thought process, imagine seeing your ego face to face. You may see a child which is very common. (this is what some in the recovery movement do to identify their “inner child” and forgive it with love. When recovery movements, therapies, or self-help literature speak of the inner child, they are actually describing of the ego)

All you want to do is loosen the grip your worried ego has and allow the true presence of yourself take over. When you have worry free days, and you feel happy, content, and not afraid, you are feeling positive about the future and present moment. You are not moved by guilt of the past, or remorse of the past either. You are not moved by guilt just because you thought badly of other people. When you have these great days, it’s your ego feeling satisfied with everything going on in your life currently, and your true self rejoices in the bliss of the moment because it’s always been there waiting patiently for your ego to understand that “everything is alright”.

Unfortunately, when your life situation is not ideal, and there is external stress to deal with, your ego can begin to feel overwhelmed and afraid. It then tries paint everything black and tries to block out your eternal bliss.  This is when you are miserable and anxious. Some people spill all their anger, fear, rage, and misery outwards, causing suffering and pain for all others around them. They feel some relief for a brief instance, and then their ego manages to quickly start “beating themselves up”, causing even more anxiety for themselves. Often when this kind of ego enslavement is in action the human will then resort to some sort of drug or alcohol “solution”, which is also brief, and followed by more guilt, physical discomfort, and more external drama perpetrated on other human beings. This is what the Bible and other faith-based teachings define as hell – and all along it never HAS to be this way.

Now for those who suffer from anxiety, we usually internalize our ego-based anger, sadness, fear, and loathing. This causes our anxiety disorders. Remember the old bumper sticker and poster of the 1970′s that had this saying?,

“Stress: The confusion created when one’s mind overrides the body’s basic desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it”

This is an ego-based statement. It’s surely funny, but why is it so funny? Because it’s makes us laugh at our silly human egos. We all have moments in our lives when we are really angry (disconnected from reality) and we think to ourselves something like, “I’d like to punch that person out”.

Of course, the vast majority of people on earth don’t act on a thought like that, because deep inside we know it’s a ridiculous and hateful thing to do, and we’re afraid of what will happen as well. So when we have a chance to laugh at our own angry moments and negative emotions, it’s a great relief. I think I’ve mentioned before that laughing at yourself (or your ego actually) is great therapy when you are stressed out.

This funny saying is true in some ways for people who suffer from anxiety sometimes. We don’t spill outward our fear and anger because we don’t want to hurt or upset others. We take it inward and not outward. On a purely temporary point of view, it would seem that the person who spills out their grief and pain on others is better off – but not in the long run. In the long run these people suffer much more, and are usually left without any kind of human support later in life.

The trick to relieving anxiety for most people is to accept it for it’s temporary existance, literally laugh at your fear, ease off the self absorbtion with activity and movement, and stop taking ourselves so seriously. In other words, stop taking ego-based and false selves so seriously.

Have you ever seen some of the pictures of Buddha laughing. This is what the truth is. The truth is fearless and alive. We can laugh at ourselves as a way to disspate the ego which controls our mind processes during stress bouts.

Try chuckling and laughing at all things you’ve been worried about or sad about. I know how hard it is to that when you are in the middle of a stressful time, but it can help a little – if not briefly.

Rest assured that your anxiety will be gone soon, and always has in the past. It is NOT a permanent thing. With or without medication, you will get through the stressful times, and realize how silly your little ego is to so afraid.

So to update my current situation as I write this post. I still feel like I’m in the anxiety cloud and writing about anxiety is probably not the best thing to do at the moment, but honestly, and look at all times of anxiety as a chance to learn. Even as I have been in the full anxiety mode today, I deep down inside feel like there is hope, bright blue sky days, happy happy times, beautiful sunsets and sunrises, smiling faces, and stress free days, weeks, months, and years ahead of me.

This is the true mystery of the human mind – even when our egos are taking everything so seriously, and is making our days miserable, we can still feel that somewhat distant voice of reality that is never gone. It’s quietly speaking the truth about the beauty of life, and when the clouds of anxiety pass by, the blue sky of peace and tranquility will be waiting for us. Just writing this makes me feel better.

This is the first time that I’ve ever written a post while under extreme stress so it’s interesting. I’m not sure how long I will continue writing, but the words seem to keep coming out.

My wife is almost ready now to go out, and we putting our dogs (two Golden Retrievers) in our little GMC truck, and going to the dump (landfill) to get rid of some dirt and branches we cleared away a couple of weeks ago. It’s a perfectly blue sky day today, and you would have to wonder why I would feel anxious at all. I have a big house in an upscale neighborhood, a perfect job for me (which is blogging from home) and pays very well, our kids are both out of the house and doing very well. It’s late August and it’s warm and perfect. Our financial house is in order and we are in good health. We travel all the time because our job’s allow for this kind of freedom. We do that in a brand new motor home we bought last year. So how could I possibly feel anxiety? Good question. I don’t quite know either, but I have a guess.

It means so much to me that other people are doing OK in the world, and I can easily get very wrapped up in the “state of the world”. I also get very wrapped in United States politics, and the last 9 years has been difficult to watch. Seeing all of the problems Americans are going through has caused me alot of stress – basically I have caused myself allot of stress because I have chosen to let me ego take control and lament about the plight of others. It’s hard for me to see the suffering of others and write if off as part of the divine order of life on earth.

I know that there are other countries and other peoples who are suffering much more than Americans, but I have always felt that if American can get it’s act together, there is a chance for the rest of world. It’s like the flight attendant that tells parents to make sure they have their oxygen mask on first before helping their children. I use this as a metaphor for the United States and the world. If the U.S.A can get it together, they can help with influence in the rest of the world. Not with leathal weapons, but with compassion, leadership, and diplomacy. It’s a dream – a good dream, but for my own stress levels I have to accept that there is tragedy in the world, and that I will not see what I perceive to be a perfect world. This is the naive state that my adult mind still plays with sometimes.

This is how over-sized my own ego is. It will actually try and convince me that I should feel guilt for the suffering of others, because I have been so lucky. This is why I started Saneadvice.com, and why I don’t use my real name, and why there is no advertising on this site. I needed to create a web site that helps people through their anxiety issues, without me gaining from it, and without me taking credit for it.

(I have other web sites that are not about self-help and anxiety, and they are purely for making money. This is why my wife and I free and make a good living)

I think the reason I am so anxious today is because it is tax time, it’s the month end, and I’v been feeling tired and a little ill. I have been watching too much news as the United States Congress, Senate, and Whitehouse grapple with trying to fix their nation’s healthcare problem. I see some extreme so-called right-wing people trying to scare people for the sake of large profit hungry insurance companies, and medical services related companies. I see the elected politicians in the U.S. government taking contributions from these same private companies which is the ultimate in conflict of interest. Meanwhile I see over 35 million people in the United States who don’t have health care at all, and hundreds of thousand of others losing the health care they have. I see the great injustice of all this, and I get very angry. This is pure ego, and I’ll feel better when I just let it go. I can pray for these people. I can pray for the United States and World, and really that is the best I can do.

So this too maybe what has brought on this anxiety. Like I have said before, it’s usually a combination of things adding up over time which bring on anxiety problems, and it alway means I have been processing what I see the wrong way. In order to see the reality of life I can’t be constantly telling myself how messed up the world is, or people are. I have to stop judging so many things as bad, or “not right”, and I have to give up control all together. Just let things be as they are and accept it. Then I have to learn once again what is the truth.

The truth is that I don’t have to take myself so seriously, and I’m NOT going to “save the world”, and I’m not heading for a personal disaster. As all people who have experienced extreme anxiety know – our common sense feels like it’s impossible to grasp when we are “out there” consumed with fear.

I must say that now I feel much better because of what just happened in our living room. My wife’s computer was not working for her, and it was something very simple and I knew it. I got frustrated, and as I was trying to help her (as quickly as possible) I acted angry in my face expressions, and tone of voice. I fixed her monitor problem, and then I apologized for seeming angry, and explained that I was feeling stress.

She responded by saying, “Oh, I thought you were just being an insensitive prick.” I began to laugh out loud and so did she. There is an inside joke here and it goes like this.

I told my wife once that when I’m deeply anxious I get quieter, I eat less, I move by body (more exercise), I stop smoking, and I become more aware of how I am treating others. I told her that when I’m feeling better, I’m less sensitive to others, I over eat, I don’t exercise, I smoke, I don’t worry. She said jokingly,

“So let me get this right – when you are feeling good, you are a fat and lazy insensitive prick” We both started to laugh loudly. This is good comfort to laugh at yourself.

Well we must go to the dump now. This post has helped move things along in my discission on the ego and how serious we can get. We must learn to float and not get “bent out of shape” when things we see and witness don’t go according to our egos.

The answer to my stress today is very simple friends – my little ego is upset because it is not seeing exactly what it wants. When I give up this ego and learn to laugh at my ego, I will start to feel like “myself again”.

Sorry if anyone reading Saneadvice.com ever thought that I had “my shit together” completely, and that I never have extreme anxiety on some days. The reality is that no human ever totally conquers their ego. We can learn to live with our ego though, and we can spend most all our time relaxing in the moment.

Sometimes anxiety just means you need to reset your thinking because you have been thinking wrongly for awhile. Hitting reset button now!

The real trick to beating your anxiety is to reduce it’s threat in your mind. In other words, don’t think of an anxiety cloud or a panic attack as a big deal. Looking at an anxiety cloud or a panic attack as a big bad enemy that needs to be attacked is a sure fire way of talking yourself into another anxiety attack.

Don’t get me wrong – Lucinda Bassett from the Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety has a great program, and it’s actually the first stress reduction program I ever tried. Back then the program was on cassette tapes and included some basic literature on how to calm yourself down and change your life drug free. The program taught me allot, but if it wasn’t for the medication I started taking, I never would have got my stress under control.

Whenever I have been without medication, and extreme anxiety has come over me (leading to panic attacks), I remember trying to “attack” the anxiety cloud that was building. I attacked it with everything I had and it never worked.

The truth is that you can’t hide from an anxiety cloud that is building. You can’t run, hide, or attack it. You need to take action to overcome an ongoing anxiety disorder or multiple panic attacks a day, but if you don’t have any medication, you’ll have to ride out the panic attack. Riding it out sounds like it’s easy. Like a ride in the country. But as all anxiety sufferers know, it can be pure hell.

There are several things you can do to deal with a full blown anxiety attack, and none of them may give you an instant relief. Medication might, and depending on what kind of medication it is, it might give you some instant temporary relief. When the panic attack is over then the sufferer can be left with a crippling fear of the next attack. This is where I think the opportunity lies if you want to stop your panic attacks without the use of medication.

I believe that the point of exit from a panic attack is where the secret to beating anxiety and panic attacks once and for all. It’s at this time you need to practice what I call the point of exit methodology (or POEM system).

Panic Attack Checklist

1. Tell yourself the truth – don’t think thoughts that support your feelings of fear. Don’t exaggerate the reality of your situation. Underneath your panic attack and extreme anxiety is a REAL concern that is causing you to overload. That REAL concern is always nothing to be terrified of, and you must identify what your very REAL fear is. Once you realize what your real fear is, you can begin telling yourself the truth about your situation. Below is an example of the process.

If a panic attack is on the verge or underway ask yourself what your REAL fear is – if you are in a panic attack your answer will likely be the fear of dying, the fear of your spouse leaving you, the fear of losing your income and being poor, the fear of your relatives or loved ones dying, the fear of hurting someone or yourself. ALL OF THESE VERY LIKELY NOT REAL. Disregard them. Stick to the true fear that set you on this road towards fear and panic. It’s almost always a smaller issue then what you are imagining. But for the sake of argument with your negative thoughts, lets go ahead and examine your fear.

I’ll choose a few fearful examples that sufferers of anxiety often have:

Fear of Dying: Having a panic attack can’t kill you. I’ve been under a full hospital monitoring system including heart rate, blood pressure, etc., while having a massive panic attack. I asked the nurse to monitor me while I was in a full blown big time panic attack. I had the cold sweats, shivering flesh, tingling arms and legs, cramped stomach, quick breathing, and the usual horrific feeling of dying. The nurse told me there was a slight increase in heart rate, and a slight increase of blood pressure, but not much. It felt like I was coming apart physically and mentally, but the reality was nothing much at all. So don’t worry about having a panic attack. If a panic attack comes – let it come – let it go – don’t fight it. It won’t hurt you and you need to remember this. You won’t die.

Fear of Losing Your Mind and Being Institutionalized: Millions of people suffer from anxiety and/or depression and don’t become institutionalized. This is just your negative imagination at work. You must remember that you are not alone, and what you are going through is very common in today’s world. There are people amongst you in the neighborhood, perhaps at work or school, who are experiencing very similar struggles. You will overcome it soon, and you feel better soon. This is the real truth. Your panic attack, foggy anxiety, and fear will pass on like the wind through a tree. Have faith in knowing this. You WILL NOT go crazy. You are not going crazy. You are not crazy. You are suffering from extreme anxiety that will pass. It always does.

Fear that your body can’t survive your physical anxiety symptoms: Your body is MUCH tougher than you give it credit for. Your body and mind are miracles at work, and it’s more than capable of dealing with your physical symptoms due to your severe anxiety. Below are some typical symptoms and we’ll go into more detail regarding the real dangers (or lack thereof) of these physical symptoms.

• IBS (irritable bowl syndrome) constant diarrhea
• loss of weight because you don’t have any appetite
• extreme headaches
• very little sleep

Your bowels can handle this discomfort a very very long time. Some people have IBS their whole life and they don’t die from IBS. Your appetite will return and your extreme anxiety will pass with a couple of days, weeks, or months depending on how quickly you take action towards seeking help. Your loss of appetite will be temporary and your body will actually enjoy the break from all of the food it has to deal with. The human body is capable of having very little food for a long period of time. You will survive the lack of food. Don’t worry. You can have as many headaches as you choose. I say this because your negative thoughts are the cause of your stress and headaches. Your headaches will not kill you either. Your sleep patterns may be completely ruined right now, but this is temporary as well. When your body is ready it will shut down even your most anxious filled mind. You will sleep even if it’s for only a few minutes here and there.

IMPORTANT: during these days of extreme stress and the above symptoms, you will likely look rough. When you look in the mirror you probably think you are a mess. The truth is you don’t look nearly as bad as you think you do, but you should have a bath every day or every second day. Shave yourself (legs or face). Put on some clean clothes. Don’t give up on yourself during these heavy bouts of anxiety and depression. Look after yourself. Love yourself. You are a beautiful and wonderful person. You are not perfect and you’re not expected to. You are a perfectly imperfect person like all humans. You are worthy of your own love, and the love of others.

2. Process your real fear(s) properly – Identify what concern(s) you were having before you began having some of your early symptoms of high stress like numbness and tingling in the head, feet, legs, hands, and arms. Like a feeling of fear and sorrow coming out of nowhere. The slow staging of insomnia, and on and on it goes.

Even under extreme stress and anxiety you will be able to identify what triggered your downward spiral into anxiety and/or depression. It could be something like a basic feeling of uncertainty or insecurity brought on by a death or illness in the family. A possible loss of money ore income due to a job loss or soon to be job loss. When you have identified your TRUE trigger of your stress you can then play a little game I call – SO WHAT. Here is how it goes. Don’t imagine the worst happening…..simply state out loud what will happen if the worst were to happen. For this example of my game called SO WHAT, I’ll use the example of losing a job and possibly becoming poor. Here is the flow chart.

√ I might lose my job and have no way to make money! : “So what. It’s just a job and you didn’t have a job before you got that one and you somehow managed to find the job you have now. You can do it again. Just go out and hunt down another job. Big deal.”

√ What if I can’t find a job! My family will be poor and my spouse might leave me! : “So what. You always found a job thus far in your life and what makes you think that you will all of a sudden fail. Your family may have less, and you all might have to move into a smaller house, apartment, trailer, or whatever – but this is all temporary as I will eventually find a job and it will be fine. I’ve always found work and supported my family so why would I fail now? If your spouse is so shallow as to up and leave you because you can’t earn money at this brief moment in time, then she or he is not a very good spouse anyways and you will be fine without them. You were alone once before you met your spouse and you found them didn’t you. What makes you think you will not find a friend and lover again? Your children will be fine no matter what happens because children are VERY resilient. You can look after them better if you stop worrying about possibilities that are not the end of the world. Just be grateful you live in a place where 2nd starts are allowed, and happen everyday to millions.

You are not your job. Repeat: YOU ARE NOT YOUR JOB. You are simply you and the job was just a place you went and thing you did to make money. You can find another job just like it, or find a job that is completely different. Just think how much fun it would be to try something completely different!

√ I don’t think I can be happy without all my stuff! : “So what. Being happy all the time is completely unrealistic. All your stuff will never make you happy. Maybe more comfortable, but you can those things back in time. If you really think HAVE to have those things and comforts, then how on earth did you survive before you had those things? You were likely just as happy before you had those things, perhaps even happier! Don’t forget your true essence here. You are not your things, your house(s), car(s), toy(s), status, etc. You are just you are – perfectly imperfect in every way.

When you are suffering from anxiety then you are entertaining unreasonable fear and you need to “call yourself on it”. Ask yourself if your fears are reasonable. When you answer that question it will be yes. Then you can begin looking at what is really concerning you and using the above methods you can say this to yourself, “SO WHAT”. You’ve been on mother earth this long and have done OK. You will continue to move on OK regardless of the changes you will most certainly experience.

Embrace the changes in your life. Learn to love the uncertainty. It’s not a “crazy” way to live. It’s the sanest way to live. Embrace the uncertainty of your life and all the lives around you. Go with the flow and stop trying to control your surrounding all the time. Let yourself float with the river running down the mountain. You are a perfect act of nature just like the flowing streams, rivers and oceans. Have faith in your physical and mental strength – you have a miraculous mind and body that won’t let you down.

Try and relax and have faith in your imperfect perfection. Everything will turn out alright.

It’s very important that when you are suffering deeply from anxiety or depression that you remember that it’s temporary. I know from allot of personal experience that it’s very hard to believe that your depression and anxiety will pass. That is what is so crippling about it. You must learn to remember that it WILL pass.

Five Magic Words

When you find yourself in that frightening hole, just remember that it’s treatable, there is help, and it will pass. The important thing is that you say these words to yourself,

“I WANT TO FEEL GOOD”

Repeat these word to yourself as often as you can during the day. I WANT TO FEEL GOOD. Just keep on saying these words to yourself over and over again until it’s like a mantra. What happens is you wash your brain of your negative and self-defeating inner dialogue.

These five magic words will slowly give you the strength to take the action required to overcome your fear, anxiety, and depression. You may be suffering from depression and anxiety as you read this. Start now. Say these five magic words to yourself right now. “I WANT TO FEEL GOOD”

Take Action Immediately

Don’t wait in fear and suffer from high anxiety, loss of sleep, and day to day depression. Take action today and find a clinic near you. If you live in a country that does not provide national health care, use the Internet to find information like you are reading right now.

If there is any way you can get in to see a doctor, do it. Don’t wait. As soon as you get in for help you will begin to feel a little bit better. You may still be in a fog of fatigue, fear, depression and anxiety, and you may feel afraid to even go outdoors, but make sure you slowly pull yourself together and DO IT.

By taking action you will be carrying out what you have been saying to yourself in those five magic words. I WANT TO FEEL GOOD. Your action is the way out of your anxiety, fear and depression.

You Are Not Alone

You’re going to be OK. All of this will pass. You are going to be fine, and NEVER forget that you are not alone. You are a perfect beautiful person created by love and universal energy. You are never alone. Millions and millions of people suffer from anxiety and depression in our world here on earth. You will make it through this. Just take it slow, and start making changes in the way you have been thinking – begin finding help because there are many, many people that want to help you.

You can use medications to help you get to sleep, but then your sleep is not as good. If you just can’t get to sleep naturally, then medication may be the only way to get some sleep. Some sleep is always better than no sleep however.

I’ve gone from stages of crippling anxiety to a perfectly normal stage of anxiety after one night of sleep. This is how important your sleep is.

Tips for Getting Some Good Sleep

1. If you can’t sleep, try not to worry about and make things worse. Your body will only go so far before it you will doze off at some point. Don’t worry that you only sleep for 5-10 minutes and wake up with a flood of anxiety. This is normal if you have extreme anxiety. If you are in that state you must not be afraid to go the doctor and get some help in the way of medication. Usually one Ativan will put you to sleep if you take it before you go to bed.

2. Don’t fight it. If you can’t sleep don’t worry about it and whatever you do don’t go to bed and lay there awake stressing about it. Go to another room and watch some bland television, or read a good book. If you are suffering from extreme anxiety then you will have trouble concentrating on the television program or the the book but that’s ok. Just keep watching or reading and eventually you will doze off to sleep – even if it’s just a few minutes, like I said above. It’s all good when you doze off. Just remember that you body will always bring to the point of getting at least a little sleep.

3. What to do when you try to sleep and your mind just won’t let you. If you are suffering from extreme anxiety you will notice the following symptoms. You will try to sleep, and you will move really slow from lack of sleep, but you won’t be able to sleep. You lay down on a bed in a quiet room, and every time you feel like you are about to fall asleep, you’ll get another rush of anxiety, and wake up in a panic. Don’t let this freak you out and cause you more anxiety. This is normal from extreme anxiety sufferers.

If you are having this symptom of extreme anxiety then it’s important to get yourself to the doctor and get some professional help. Your doctor will very likely prescribe some medication to put you to sleep. You may sleep for a very long time and that’s great!!!

Once you have had a couple days of sleep you have a great window of opportunity. You may have some of the extreme symptoms of anxiety, but you will feel better, and this is your chance to get everything back on track.

Now – when you have had some sleep, wake up and IGNORE any scary thoughts or anxious feelings. Let the anxious thoughts and feelings come. Don’t fight them. Just except them and let it go. Remember, this  to shall pass. Just get up from bed and find some healthy food that sticks to your ribs (such as oatmeal) and get that done. If you are suffering from extreme anxiety then eating may be a problem as well, so get some long lasting food inside you and focus the next few hours on doing something. Find a job or mundane household duty that take very little concentration and do it. Getting on your hands and knees and scrubbing the floor or baseboards is a good example. Why? Because as you are busy cleaning you will feel the sense of accomplishment, you will be making your body tired which helps your next slumber, you are getting some exercise which is great for you and your heart is gently picking up pace, and you will likely sweat from the mild exertion. All this will help you when it’s time for your next bit of sleep.

4. Once you begin to sleep, don’t worry about it if you are sleeping allot. Your body has been going will very little sleep during your high anxiety and depression during the last days or weeks. Your body is just catching up. Let your body catch up. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Just remember to keep yourself busy when you wake up, and don’t just sit around stewing over your condition. You are on your way back to your healthy normal pattern.

5. If it’s possible, try and go to work no matter how hard that may seem. If you have a job where you have to focus and concentrate, then you might not be able to, but if you can find jobs at work that are manually laborous then take those jobs. The interaction with other people will help you deal with your anxiety. If your employer is completley insensitive to your condition, you MUST inform them of what you are going through and explain that you want to work, but you need jobs are in the “grunt work” category. If you manage to go to work, then great. This will help you sleep the next time you get ready to slumber. If your boss or your employer does not have these kinds of jobs and is possible unsympathetic to your situation, then you need to get away from that job and take a stress leave. Use every possible avenue to get away from work and still maintain your monthly paycheck. Give yourself time to recover from your episode of anxiety and/or depression. Give yourself to time to slowly get back on track.

Now My Anxiety Tip #1

Don’t get caught up in your own mental movement. Remember that the thoughts rattling around in your head are useless to you unless they’re good thoughts. If you have any negative thoughts keep in mind that in this universe only positive thought is true energy. Negative thoughts are simply trash that is going in and going out.

Treat your stinkin’ thinkin’, negative fears, concerns, and anger as the garbage that needs to be tossed out. Don’t fight your negative dialogue. Just don’t give it credit. Don’t treat a negative thought with respect. Laugh at it. Giggle at it. Don’t get angry at yourself for having negative thoughts because that is just another way to dwell in negative thoughts.

Dwell in Your Positive Thoughts

When you feel any kind of positive thought coming forward, hold it. Dwell in it for this the truth coming through you. Your positive thought patterns are truly in sync with the universal energy of life. Dwell and bask in the thoughts that make you feel safe, happy, peaceful or relaxed. When you dwell in these thoughts you are dwelling in truth.

When negative thoughts and fear creep back in to your thinking, say this to yourself.

“Hello there negative thought – I’m going to recognize you for what you are, and I’m going to let you go now because you don’t hold any weight in my life or in my mind.”

If this kind of inner dialogue doesn’t help, make sure to identify what is causing you the stress. When you identify what is the cause of your stress you are in a much better position to eradicate the stress.

If you are suffering from panic attacks, please read this article on how to stop panic attacks all together.

Question submitted by: Kenneth.
Advice given by: Jacob Markusson

Q: I went to the hospital in the middle of the night with my wife at my side. I had a rapid heart beat, and pains in my chest. We were both frightened to death. When the doctor asked me all of my symptoms he told me I was probably just having an anxiety attack.

They checked my heart and my blood pressure, gave me a few pills, and sent me home. This led to some research on the Internet, and I think I may have an anxiety disorder. I’m scared and I sometimes I think I’m dying. Can you help me.

A: First thing I want to assure you is that you’re not dying. If you do have an anxiety disorder, you are likely to imagine that you are dying. Try not worry about these kinds of “scary thoughts”. You may be surprised to hear that people who suffer with some form of GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), can actually be lucky in the long run. You may find that hard to believe right now, so take it with a grain of salt and read on.

The good news is that you are taking action by seeking professional help from medical practitioners. Anxiety disorders are more prevalent now than ever before. You are not alone. I need to stress this. You are not alone. As soon as possible, book an appointment with a doctor, and tell him (or her) EVERY little detail as far as your symptoms go. Don’t leave out anything.

Your doctor will shed some light on your condition, but don’t just take one doctor’s opinion in this matter. He or she may diagnose your anxiety disorder right out of the gate, and guide you back to health quickly, but they may have very little experience dealing with a serious anxiety disorder. They might just throw some the drugs at you. That may be what you need, but you want to find out how severe your anxiety is. Find a good anxiety disorder specialist/therapist who can help you find out what level you are at.

Different Levels of an Anxiety Disorder

There are many different levels of anxiety. Below is a short list of different symptoms that are common to anxiety sufferers. Depending on your level of symptoms, you should be able to see yourself in the examples below.

Anxiety Symptoms - Level One (thought processing)

At the early stages of a growing anxiety disorder, it’s very common to have a strange feeling of listlessness, or lack of excitement for life in general. Activites that used to give you pleasure may no longer do so. You can have feeling of pulling away from others, yet they don’t think you are. You may find your temper is shorter, and you have very little patience for others in your workplace or home. A sufferer at the early stages of an anxiety disorder often see the world through what I call, “a dirty lens”. If a person could recognize this kind of thought processing, it would be possible for them to “snap out of it”, and avoid ever experiencing the higher level anxiety symptoms, including full blown panic attacks.

Anxiety Symptoms - Level Two (physical symptoms)

After a time period in which an anxiety sufferer is experiencing thoughts similar to the description above, they will often begin to notice some physical symptoms. They will likely experience the symptoms below one or two at a time, but only intermittently (in short spurts or every day or two)

Below I list some of these (what I call level two physical symptoms of a growing anxiety problem). All cases are different, but this list of symptoms covers the most common experience.

• lack of appetite
• lack of sleep
• feeling of dread or impending death
• discomfort around groups of people
• a possible tingling sensation in the arms or legs
• IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) constant diarrhea
• extremely frequent urination
• feeling like you’re losing your mind
• scary thoughts (worried you may hurt someone) e.g. – afraid of knives because you imagine hurting or killing someone. Don’t worry….you won’t!
• constant worrying about the worst possible outcomes in your life and others
• early stages of agoraphobia and/or depression
• self medicating with alcohol and/or legal and illegal drugs
• rapid heart beat
• nervous sweating
• cramps in the stomach and abdomen area
• dizziness
• a feeling of being outside your own body (detachment)
• fear of almost anything under the sun, and this includes the sun
• thoughts of suicide

There are many other symptoms not listed here, so don’t be alarmed if you have other symptoms not in this list. You are not a special case. Don’t ask yourself, “why me”. Ask yourself, “when and where can I go to doctor or therapist as soon as possible”.

These are just some common symptoms in what I call “stage two” of a growing anxiety disorder. You may suffer from some of these, or perhaps all of these symptoms. If you are suffering from half of these symptoms, I want you to read this following sentence 5 times in a row, and breath as slowly as possible as you read this paragraph. You may think that relief from this hell on earth is impossible, but help is on it’s way.

Read now: I am experiencing a common “dis-ease” which is easily treatable, and I will seek professional help as soon as possible. I am not alone. Millions of people have experienced this same problem, and 99.9% of them recovered fully. I will trust the health professionals and make an appointment with an anxiety specialist tomorrow. I want to feel good.

Notice how I stress seeking help twice in that paragraph. You may be at a stage where you can’t even visualize feeling good again, but TRUST me, you will.

Anxiety Symptoms - Level Three (full blown panic attacks)

If you don’t seek professional medical help after experiencing the symptoms above, you may graduateto the third level of an acute anxiety disorder. Sufferers will experience all of the symptoms above on a more extreme level.

You may go for 2-3 days without ANY sleep. You may urinate constantly, and you may be in depression mode as well. Agoraphobia may be in full effect, and you avoid almost any activity, such as staying in bed period.

You may start having full blow panic attacks frequently until you only have a brief time between each anxiety attack. You can literally feel like you are falling into a black hole, in which you will never return from. This is the ugliest level of suffering, and some sufferers may consider suicide frequently. If this sound like where you are at, you need to read this paragraph below as well.

I am not alone. I am am much stronger than I think, and I am fully equipped to pull out of this. My body and mind are much stronger than I realize and I will seek professional help today. If I am reading this in the evening, I will go to a walk-in clinic tomorrow morning as soon as it opens and get help from a doctor. I will take the medication they prescribe, and I will not fear taking the medication. It won’t hurt me. I need to take action against this illness.

If you are in the third stage, I want to tell you something very important. It’s common to have a lot of “scary thoughts” in this stage. Yo may have extremely frightening thoughts of killing yourself or others, but DO NOT BELIEVE IT. This is VERY common and you are NOT going crazy. People suffering from this third stage anxiety rarely hurt ANYONE.

These scary thoughts you may be having are just a little survival trick your brain is playing with. Your brain will invent these extreme scary thoughts to replace the endless bombardment of worries you are harboring. Believe it or not, this is your mind trying to give you a break from REAL concerns that you can’t seem to deal with on your own.

This why you may be having feelings of detachment – like you are watching what is going on around you, but not in your own body. This sort of numb and fuzzy experience is ALSO a coping mechanism your brain has. Your brain is trying to give you a forced “time out” from your constant self obsession and worrying.

So please take some comfort in these words. You are going to be alright. You are going to feel good again. You are not experiencing anything abnormal. Millions of others have dealt with the exact same problem.

Do not be worried about your mind at this stage (I know you will, but take some comfort in these words as well. Your mind will not “snap”, and you will not be living in a rubber room. you are not going crazy. Your mind can handle this. You will get better and feel good again.

Do not be worried about your body at this horrible stage either. Your bowels, your stomach, your heart, your lungs, your muscles, your blood, your nervous system, are built to handle these symptoms. Don’t let any writings of doom and gloom add to your anxiety. Unless the writer has experienced an acute anxiety disorder (I have my whole life) they will not fully understand the reality of what you are going through, and they may seem way to calm as you try to explain that you are dying. By the way…..you are NOT dying. You have many year to go my friend, and there is help for you sooner than you think.

You may have lost weight to a really low appetite and a need to keep moving. If you have been suffering in the 2nd and 3rd stages of an acute anxiety disorder for an extended period of time, you may have lost between 10-50 pounds. Don’t worry about this either. You will get back on track and your appetite will come back. You may not believe me, depending on the stage you are at, but I assure you – you will recover from this.

Treatment, and Recovery from an Extreme Anxiety Disorder

Depending on the stage you are at, there is a few ways to approach your recovery. Some much better than the other.

Treatment One: If you are still in the early stage of an anxiety disorder you may be able to swing out of your funkby talking with others, making some changes in your life, educating yourself about stress (reading some good books), practising breathing exercises, etc. etc. You would be very wise to start some sessions with an anxiety therapist to help you even more. You may not need to take any medication, but it’s NOT a big deal if you do. Don’t let the ignorance of the general public con you into believing that the use of medication is a bad thing. It’s not.

Treatment Two: If you are in the 2nd and 3rd stages of an acute anxiety disorder, my advice is to get yourself to a good doctor and a good anxiety therapist ASAP. Do not refuse the medication they give you. It will not hurt you! When you hear stories in the media of people “flipping out”, and they were on a particular medication, take it with a grain fo salt. In most case when you hear about some extreme case where a person “wigged out and lost it”, it’s because they STOPPED taking the medication they needed. Usually they stopped taking their medication the wrong way, which is cold turkey. Listen to your doctors an follow the pharmacist’s instructions exactly. Ask lots of questions and educate yourself.

The first time I started taking anti-anxiety medication I read all the side effects on the bottle, and enclosed documentation, and it frightened me deeply. I thought I was experiencing ALL of the side effects, when this was just my anxiety ridden imagination causing more physical and emotional stress. I actually stopped taking the medication before it had a chance to work.

The next time I tried finally listening to the doctors I stayed with the medication and tried to have more faith in the therapist’s and doctor’s words. Within three weeks I started to pull out of the ugly third level stage I was in. I begin sleeping again, my apetitie kicked back in again, and I was slowly on my way to full recover. So don’t fear the medication.  Anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication is MUCH better now. The world is long past the pill bombs such as Prozac. Paxil (which is considered old now too) , and Effexor are extremely effective if taken as prescribed. There are even BETTER meds being developed now.

Avoiding Alcohol and Mind Altering Drugs While Using Anti-Anxiety Meds

This is a VERY important discussion. I’ve witnesses friends and family start their anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication and it did not really help them. There are two reasons for this.

One: They kept using mind altering drugs such as alcohol, and/or illegal and legal drugs, while they were using their meds. My advice is to STOP using any of these self-medication techniques. It will hamper the recovery from your anxiety disorder greatly.  If you are addicted to alcohol and/or drugs (D&D – drinking and drugging), get yourself to an AA or NA meeting as soon as possible. You must deal with your addicitions if you want to recovery fully from an anxiety disorder. This will be very difficult, but you can do it. Say these words; “I want to feel good, and I am ready to make big changes in my life to do so”. You can DO it friend. Seek help. There is a virtual army of people with a similar background who will help you.

Two: Their symptoms were not really that extreme in the first place, and they were (or are) simply in the early stages of an anxiety disorder. Do you see the pattern here? If you have mild, and early symptoms of an anxiety disorder, you may NOT need medication. See a doctor and therapist as soon as physically possible so you can get professional help. Find a friend or family member that you can trust and talk, talk, talk. Just opening up about your suffering is a great start on the way to a full recovery.

If you are addicted to drugs and/or alcohol, it’s imperative to address this, be honest with yourself, and get serious about feeling good again. If you still have it in you to continue ”self
medicating”, you have likely never experienced the hell of the 3rd stage of an acute anxiety disorder. Don’t continue on with such a destructive lifestyle. STOP seeing the people you are drinking or drugging with right away. You need to take back control of your life, and make some big changes. Try not to be afraid of losing your friends. You don’t need or want addicted friends. You will never be alone. Repeat…..you will never be alone.  You can perhaps start here with NA or AA.

If you see yourself anywhere in this article, I hope you seek out professional counselling and medical advice. I hope this article shed some light on what you, or a loved one, is going through. Anxiety disorders are VERY treatable now, and remind yourself this condition will be temporary.

If you believe in a higher power, remember that you will never be alone in this universe, this world, or this eternity. Don’t fear the changes you will have to make in your life. The circumstances of your lifestyle and/or your family history are likely what set you up for this anxiety disorder you may be fighting.

You can adapt, and you can recover fully. You are MUCH stronger than you realize. You are born of light and love, and you are a miracle of beauty. Keep learning.

Jacob Markusson

P.S. – I’ve just touched on anxiety disorders in this article. I will be covering aspects of anxiety in other Q&As.

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