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Love Jacob and Emma.

Jacob, I’m about to go on some anti depressants. I’ve been experiencing crippling anxiety and it’s so severe that it’s causing depression. Just recently (about a week ago) I had a bad panic attack upon waking, and since then, the anxiety has got increasingly worse to the point of losing sleep, sleeping three hours a night, waking to extreme anxiety.

The only thing that would make me feel normal and sleep was Ativan. I started working nights a couple months ago, and that triggered my first panic attack. I don’t want to become reliant on Ativan, and when it wears off, I get intense anxiety once again. Any suggestion on what I can do? It’s early, Been only a week, but I’m experiencing stage 2 and some stage 3 symptoms listed on your post.

Answer:

Hi there,

This is so classic and being a guy as well, your situation is EXACTLY what mine was like – no Ativan and I would go back to freak out mode.

I had to start long term meds (Paxil) and take the Ativan for two weeks until the Paxil was in my system.

If you can somehow get yourself to just say STOP, in an effort to stop your mind activity which terrified of the panic attack, that may help.

What people who have never had panic attacks don’t understand is that we REALLY fear is another panic attack and not much else. Sure, it was a combination of life situations that led to the first panic attack, but after that it’s basically the fear of another one that keeps the cycle going.

Once we break that cycle we can start to recover. In my case I had to start Paxil to control it.

From the blog I am realizing that most of us who have dealt with panic, started having episodes in our early 20s. Then maybe nothing for years, and in our 40s they come back. Something like that anyway.

Jacob

Hi Jacob,

I came across your site a few days ago when I was researching paxil. As an anxious person starting the medication, it was HUGELY helpful to hear Sane Advice about it! I have now become “relaxed” (all things considered lol) about taking it.

I have been doing some reading on your blog and it’s been helpful, but I have a question about something that I haven’t seen addressed on the blog. What do you do about situations that you avoid because you’re afraid that something bad will happen? For instance, I’m 23 but I don’t drive or even have a license and I don’t have a job.

It’s kind of embarrassing, but I have avoided these things because I am afraid of what might happen. I see myself out on the road driving and panicking/freezing up and making a stupid mistake. I see myself at a job and having something happen like getting really bad menstrual cramps, getting sick, getting acid reflux (all things I deal with), and then me freaking out and something horrible happening.

I’ve told myself that i don’t actually know what will happen until I try and that I need to just get out and do it, push through my fears, that it probably won’t be as bad as I think it will be, etc. etc. But I’m still holding back, even though I’m getting really tired of not moving forward in my life.

It’s quite frustrating and I’m not sure what to do. Will being on paxil make it easier for me to do these things? Do I need a change in my thinking? Do I need to just get out there and try in spite of my fears? I would like to hear your thoughts on the subject if you get the chance. Thanks!

Answer:

Sorry it took so long to answer back. Very busy with everything these days.
 
It sounds like you are on you way to learning more about how to process thought, or more importantly, how to NOT TAKE YOUR THOUGHTS so seriously.
 
Paxil does work, and my advice is to let that give you some time learn how to change the way you look at things. If you change the way you look a things the things around you change.

I am creating a new section on Sane Advice that I will be taking in free audio so that you can listen any time you want when you are having an anxious day or moment. I have been listening to others for a long time and it helps to have that
voice as your friend. A friend that reminds you that you are going to be OK and that you are not alone.
 
Try not to worry about anything, and when you DO, try not to take your fearful thoughts all that seriously.

Jacob

Hi there Jacob,

Well I was on Paxil Cr years ago and weaned myself off and well now my panic attacks and anxiety have been coming back. So I went to the doctors and got another prescription for Paxil CR 25mg and will be starting them tomorrow. 

I have been reading your site and everything on it is me in a nutshell.  I am really worried about starting them again and the side effects and I did read what you said about them not killing me, but as I am sure your well aware the mind is a powerful thing. 

I will start taking them tomorrow morning because I want my life back! and am I ever scared! The doctor gave me the 25 mg because I was on it before and I suggested it but for 5 days I have been in worry about starting them again and what it will be like.  My mind is in a tailspin I keep thinking maybe I don’t need to do this, or maybe I should have asked for a lower dosage, and so and so on. Like I said Tailspin.

What I do want to know is since reading your site, I noticed that everyone is talking about taking Paxil and well Im taking Paxil Cr is it the same thing?

I have bookmarked your site and I will continue to go to it for advice and for calming.  I really appreciate it that you have this site and found relief while reading it as I knew I wasn’t alone in this that other suffer the same and have the same questions and fears.  Which I always deep down knew this but like I said before the mind is a powerful thing. 

If you have further advice I would love to hear it.

Thank you again

Betty

Answer;

Hello Betty,
 
Ah yes. Your mind has been playing a collection of fears again like an old movie. You are going to be OK. Try to not take your thoughts seriously right now. After a week and a half you will begin to calm down as Paxil takes it’s effect.
 
This time, when you are calmer (and you will be soon), start reading materials that explain how the mind can be slowed down.
 
We, sufferers of anxiety, are people that have had a life history of creating negative fantasies, and have spent long periods of time without reminding ourselves that OUR mind’s judgments and fears are not real. We need to re-learn what is real.
 
Reality is that you are OK. Reality is that you will be just fine. Reality is that you DON’T have to be in control of everything. Reality is that you can just let WHAT IS, BE as it IS, and not judge it. That includes judging yourself as broken, or somehow defective.
 
There is nothing defective about YOU – the REAL you. It’s only your mind that has been hijacked by your ego – scaring you.
 
In reality there is nothing to be afraid of. In reality you are never alone. In reality all is well.
 
Sure, “things happen” that will shake up our egos because our egos fear loss of form so much. Or egos fear losing friends, lovers, family members, money, houses, cars, social status, old age, health, etc. etc. etc.
 
When we lose a job, monthly income, a wife, a husband, a parent, a child, a home, or whatever…….our egoic minds go into tailspins. And EVEN IF WE ARE NOT LOSING THOSE THINGS AT THE MOMENT, our egos fear losing them some day.
 
When we learn to face the FACTS of life, losing these forms is not bad. It’s only natural.
 
Have you ever noticed that when we spend days, weeks, months, or years worrying about something “bad happening”, and when (if) that “bad thing” does happen, we find out that it wasn’t SO BAD AT ALL! In fact, the change in form, or loss of form sometimes brings us back to a place where reality lives.
 
The only reality is this very second. All that matters is this very second as you read this. Ask yourself this;
 
“At this very moment what is lacking?”
 
- is your body in pain (probably not)
- are you dying (no)
- are you homeless (no)
- is the world bad (no)
- are you losing your mind (no)
 
Our egoic minds want to ignore the present moment and keep you worried about the future.

Our egoic minds want to ignore the present moment and keep you believing the past was scary and bad.
 
Both of these egoic beliefs are false, false, and more false.
 
Burn up time. Burn up the past and the future.
 
Go out for a walk and take notice of how still the trees are that you see. If you live in a major city, walk to a park and look a the grass and trees and notice how still they are. If a willow tree to could speak English, and you asked it,
 
“What time is it?”
 
It would say, “Now, the time is now….there is nothing else”.
 
If you could ask a cow what his worries were, or tell it about your worries, it would laugh and giggle,
 
“What is worry??? I don’t understand…..everything is fine right now.”
 
We humans are the only living things on this planet that have MINDS and EGOS. Us humans are the only living things on this earth that make up fears and fantasies about the future, and create remorse of the past.
 
Shut that mind of yours off! When it kicks back to thinking it’s 60,000 thoughts a day again, be aware of it, and shut if off again.
 
I know that doing that may seem impossible right now, but that is OK. Even if you continue to worry this week, don’t resist anything. JUST BE AWARE of the fact that your egoic mind it trying to run the show. Just watch your thoughts and DON’T BELIEVE your thoughts.
 
At some point a quiet little voice will be heard whispering,
 
“It’s OK….you are wonderful, and life is not scary. Life is not bad. Life is good, and I have so many wonderful things for you to see. Be still darling. There is nothing to be afraid of – ever.”
 
That quiet little voice is the real you – that real you is who you can believe in. That real you is in all humans, and we are all connected. That real you is in the stillness deep in the ocean, or in the clouds silently moving by in the sky. That real you is in the willow tree that resists nothing and allows everything to be as it is.
 
So if any of these words have helped you, this is what you need to do more of. Find writings, videos, and audio CDs that point to the truth. The truth is good, perfect, and decent. Just like you.

When you get chance, pick up these audio books from Echart Tolle – they will help you SO much. I listen to these two CD collections every couple of weeks to remind myself of what is real. These two audio sets have changed millions of lives. Transformed mine.

1. The FindHorn Retreat – You’ll Laugh, Snicker, and FEEL Really Good
2. The Power of Now – Really helps calm our minds down and learn the art of living without stress.

 Jacob

Hi Guys,
 
I came across your site last night at 4 am while suffering from a giant panic attack. I wanted to tell you how great I think your site is and to thank you for hosting a site like this one. We (people in the Paxil community) so desperately needed it.
 
My story is interesting in that I went on Paxil 15 or so years ago. Right when it first came out. I’m one of the front-line users. You could still go on Google then and do a search of side effects and come up with nothing -lol. Can you believe it? Now all you hear is how it ruined everyones life all day every day.
 
I had always suffered from anxiety and low level panic attacks and then, suddenly, in my late 30′s I was getting the full blown attacks – I’m sure hormones had a lot to do with it. Also, my mother suffered from Panic disorder, too and that’s when hers really got going strong. Back when she was suffering, there was nothing anyone could really do. All they had at the time was Valium and it only worked for a few hours and was highly addictive. She tried cognitive therapy too, but her anxiety was too high for that to work.
 
We have to all remember when we are having problems with anxiety and panic how great we have it now.  There are so many good drugs out there in this market, no one needs to suffer. That’s a positive thing to know.
 
Paxil always worked for me right from the start. I quickly went up to a 15 mil dosage and stayed on that for all 15 years. I did great on it. Recently a friend of mine, who quit his meds, talked me into going off it. After-all, I had been on it for 15 years without a break, why not see if I was “cured.” I tapered off 1 mil at a time till I got to 7mils and then I started getting hyper so stopped and figured I’d just stay with the 7 mils from now on. I had all the brain zaps and dizziness, but honestly, it wasn’t as bad as I had read on the “fright” sites. Well, this new regiment worked great for 3 months then suddenly, just like they appeared in my late 30′s, the panic attacks returned full force.
 
Here’s my question to you all. I ramped back up to the 15 mils 2 nights ago and it has not stopped the panic attacks. I have the waves of panic all night long. I always took my meds at night because they made me sleepy. I’m now wondering if Paxil is going to work for me again or something has changed and they are now not working. Have you ever heard of this happening? I am going to keep on them for at least 2 more weeks to see if I start feeling better, I’m sure my body is depleted and it will take time to get back in my system. However, I keep “fearing” they will now not work because I read on so many “fright” sites that this will happen. I will be devastated if that is the case as I don’t want to have to switch meds. It’s very hard finding the right med & dosage for each individual and I just cannot believe I screwed around with my delicate balance of brain chemicals by going off my meds.
 
A psych once told me that Panic Disorder runs in families, true in my case, and is chronic. There is no cure, but there is management. I should have listened and I hope my story will let others out there know that when you get a good thing, don’t mess with it. Even if you are on a drug for 15year or more so what if you feel good on it with no side effects.
 
Now, I’m back at square one, but really freaked out the pills won’t work for me. After I take my pill at night I can get to sleep, but I wake up with waves of adrenaline all night long. Again, it’s only been 2 nights so I’m hoping for the best.
 
I know you deal with people from all over all hear many stories.. Please be honest and let me know if you have heard stories of Paxil no longer working for people after they stop.
 
I will wait to hear back from you. Thanks for your great site and time.

Daniel

 Answer:

Hi Daniel,

Thanks for visiting Sane Advice.
 
Just finished reading your email, and I can tell that you are going to be OK.
 
Don’t worry about Paxil not working, because it can be a part of your overall process in LEARNING to live differently, and when I say differently, I mean learning to not take our fearful thoughts so seriously.
 
I too get anxiety still from time to time, and I don’t even know where it comes from at first. BUT, I always know it is caused because I am afraid of something or other going “wrong” in my life. When that happens I always take a mental step back and remember that whatever is bothering me is “IN MY MIND”, and not based on fact. But learning to change the way we judge our thoughts and thinking is only part of it. Using medication properly is important too.
 
I was always told by my doctor(s) that using Paxil is a morning event, and I believe that to be true, and it’s important to take your dosage the same time every day – say between 8AM adn 10AM.
 
Now. Regarding your dosages.
 
You went back up to 15 mils for just a few days right. It will take a week to two weeks before you get back on track again. Try to get lots of fresh air, talk to a willing friend, hold hands….whatever you need to do to let your mind have a break from it’s self. Try taking Paxil in the morning and if you have to use Ativan or something like it for a couple of weeks, talk to your doctor about that.
 
Don’t think that you can never live without Paxil all together either. Perhaps it just wasn’t time to stop yet. Tapering down is the right way to go when you ween off, but like my doctor(s) have always told me……”don’t taper down until the big stressors in your life are gone”. I also add that we shouldn’t taper down until we have LEARNED to look at life on this earth differently.
 
You are right, and your doctor(s) are right. Some of us have learned to fear from the people that raised us, and the enviroment we were raised in. SO – we need to lovingly forgive those who influenced us with fear, and learn to break away from the belief that “something bad is about to happen”.
 
The TRUTH is that if we take our worried minds out of play, there is no problems – only life situations. To relearn out thinking we need to consume material that helps us understand the truth of our time here on the planet, and learn to see life through a REAL lense, and not our fearful lense.
 
Unless we learn to see the world through a different lense, we are likely to fall back to our old ways of processing our thoughts when we taper off of anti-anxiety medication.
 
My advice is to stay on your 15 mils and let things calm down (AND THEY WILL). THEN start reading and listening to people who have made it their life long journey to help humans free themselves of their constant negative mind activity. I have read and listened to many different people like this, and the one person that really helps me understand how my mind (and the human mind) works, is Eckhart Tolle. Don’t worry….he is not some freaky religious person who runs some sort of wierd cult or anything like that. Ignore all of the fanatically inclined religious zealots on the web – Eckhart is not a religious leader that is trying to get between people and their religions – he only helps people understand how our minds are trying to “run the show”, and how change our lives dramatically.
 
I highly recommend getting these two cd sets. The reason I suggest getting the CD sets is because his voice is SO CALMING, and the what he says quiets the mind dramatically. Like I said, I’ve listened to all the so-called “greats”, but no-one relaxes me and gives me a sense of peace like him. Also, if I’m ever really “messed up” with fear and anxiety, I can’t focus on reading a book – when I can just listen it’s much better and the truth of his words and that sound of his voice begin to take hold.
 
You can get these for cheap, and when you can afford to spend a few bucks on these PLEASE do it. It changed my life so much so that I just can’t relay how much in words. Watch this video of Eckhart here.

The FindHorn Retreat – You’ll Laugh, Snicker, and FEEL Really Good
 
The Power of Now – Really helps calm our minds down and learn the art of living without stress.

You will get through this, and please try to avoid these blogs and forums that are filled with people who are letting their worried minds dicate their day. Worried minds want to worry other minds. People slowly ween themselves off Paxil all over the world, and they do that when they are ready.

The trick to life is not sorting out our ”problems”. It’s understanding that there are no “problems”.
 
Love to you from me (Jacob) and Emma

Response:

Dear Jacob,
 
Thank you so much for your compassionate email. Some good news, the Paxil has started to kick in and I had a much better night last night. It DOES still work and I didn’t have suffer with panic for 4 to 6 weeks before I saw any light. I also saw a Dr and he told me that the blogs are WRONG. A medication does not just stop working for someone who has taken it successfully as long as I have. Why do people write this stuff?
 
You are so right about letting the dark thoughts overtake us. I’ve been on a personal journey for several years now to try to stay positive, surrounding myself with only positive people and things, eating right, exercise, meditation – in a few words, keeping balanced and always going toward the truth and light.
 
I had read a book by Eckhart Tolle a long time ago. I had forgotten about him. I will get the books/CD’s you recommended and can’t wait to read them. In the world today, with so many toxic messages being thrown at us from every direction, we need these voices of calm and reason. Spirituality and staying on the right path really helps us at whatever stage of development we are at.
 
Having Panic Disorder, not just anxiety, I try to look at it like a challenge that I must fight to stay ahead of. I believe that with Panic Disorder there are brain chemicals that just fire off at the wrong time. It used to happen to me (pre Paxil) at times when I was so calm. Nothing apparently caused it. Scientists can now watch this happen on a MRI in Panic Attack sufferers and they know what part of the brain is responsible.  That was a HUGE help in developing the newer meds because, before that…..there wasn’t much that worked. For me, I think meds will probably be a part of my life forever. It’s not like you can meditate a malfunction in your brain away, but staying calm and true to one’s life journey just helps get me back on track sooner rather than later. Also, I can meditate and deep breath a low level attack away – it’s just the full blown attacks – I shake like convulsions, can’t hear, my arms go numb, become freezing cold, etc. – that I need the meds for.
 
Again, thank you for your time & compassion & positive words – and great web-site.

Hello Jacob & Emma,

I came across your website last night and have been reading as much as possible on there over the evening and morning.

After five months of anxiety, I have found depression starting to creep in over the past month.  I decided therefore it was time to take some medication.  I have been taking Ativan off and on for a few months (0.5mg two or three times a week) but decided to start an SNRI (Pristiq).

My doctor suggested taking it at night because she’s found it’s generally sedating.  I started last night and ended up not sleeping properly at all – up most of the night.  I can’t exactly blame it on the antidepressant because I have had lots of other nights like this due to anxiety.  So I don’t know if it’s the meds or the anxiety.  All night I was obsessing over the medication and worried about side effects.

I suppose what I should do is just take Ativan at night to help me sleep but whenever I do I get a terrible guilt and worry about THOSE side effects.  It’s like I’m in this terrible thought “rut” where I can’t make a decision because every outcome is disastrous.  I’m worried that the Pristiq is going to make me “stoned” and not function at work.  Or keep me up and make me exhausted.

Anyway I don’t know exactly why I’m telling you all of this other than I really enjoyed your site and it gave me comfort last night and maybe you have some advice for me as I start the Pristiq?

Dennis (Vancouver B.C)

Advice;

I went (and we all do who have dealt with anxiety) worry about the side effects of medication.

The truth (from the doctors I’ve spoken with) is that the amount of Ativan you are taking WILL
NOT cause side effects that can hurt you. I took at Ativan 3 times a day for 4 months at one
time and I never became addicted. So for now, when you take your Ativan at night don’t worry
about it because you are not going to get any bad side effects with that little of medication each
24 hour period.

Next thing is anti-anxiety or anti-depressant medication. These WILL not hurt you either. The
ONLY concern with these drugs is making sure you ween yourself off them very slowly when
that time comes. You may always take a small dosage of medication each evening or morning
for the rest of your life. Many people do, and that is OK TOO! I have spoken with multiple doctors
about the long term effect of Paxil for instance, and they ALL told me that a small dosage each
day can be taken for your entire life. One doctor went as far as saying that a small (10mg) dosage
daily for the rest of my life may EXTEND my life due to the positive effects of less stress and
they are starting to see a link between properly stimulated serotonin in the human brain and
longevity here on earth.

So my Advice is to take your medication when your doctor says to, and don’t worry about.
Especially in Canada. The medical system in Canada is very strict and the doctors well educated.
The only side effect from most of these drugs is a POSSIBLE little weight gain over time, so don’t
stress it.

If this drug does not work for you, try Paxil. I have been taking 10mg of Paxil daily for 8 years now
and there has been NO side effects except my weight went up 10 pounds, which I needed anyway.

Never forget that on small dosages you won’t have any huge side effects, and never forget that your
body is a miraculous instrument that will sort out all the issues on it’s own.

If you feel little brain swooshes when your medication is taking effect over the next two weeks, don’t
worry about it…..you will be fine.

YOU are going to be fine Dennis. You are living in an extremely good country as far as medical systems
go. Talk to your doctor, and you guys will find the right medication for you, and then everything is going
to level off and you will be doing fine. YOU WILL get through all of this. THIS WILL PASS!

Go for a walk today and get some fresh air. Pay special attention the trees, and fields, the streets, the
people, and the wonderful and historical piece of Vancouver you are currently living in. Breath the air in
deep and remember…..you are still here, and you have many good years to come in your life. Your mind
is going to settle down, and your body is going to be fine.

Take your Ativan a couple times a day until you find the right anti-anxiety/anti-depressant meds for you.
Don’t worry – twice a day will not hurt you. Don’t forget that. And don’t forget that you are not alone with
these fears, worries, and imagined “problems”. You are one of many many millions on this earth who
are or have dealt with exactly the same “stinkin thinkin”.

Now watch this video

Read A New Earth by Tolle as well. I found it really helped me calm down.

Response;

Thank you for the reassuring words.  I will try to lighten up regarding Ativan as sleep is very important to me.

I started the Pristiq last night and today I am absolutely EXHAUSTED.  I am scared because I don’t know how I will manage to work if this exhaustion continues.  I’m not sure if it’s from the Pristiq or from being up so much last night (probably a combination).

I’m not at all worried about being on drugs for a long time, or the weaning off process. I think that sometimes medication is necessary and have no problem with this.  My problem is that I worry to death about the side effects and don’t know if/when they will go away. One problem with Pristiq is the starting dose is the therapeutic dose – it only comes in 50mg. So I can’t “start small” and work up. I guess this is good and bad because if I can get through the first few days hopefully it will get better and then I don’t have to do a dosage increase.

Anyway, I am going to have a nap!

Thanks again for your help, I appreciate it so much.  I don’t have anybody to talk to who knows what I’m going through and I feel like I’m driving my wife crazy complaining.

Dennis

Follow-up again;

Ah yes….naps are fantastic. Slows down the heart rate.
 
I also watch old feel good shows before my nap every day. Like
Beverly Hillbillies, whatever is safe and funny.
 
Yeah, and I drive my wife crazy too!!
 
Love Jacob

Tired, Fatigued, and Exhausted Starting Ant-Anxiety/Anti-Depression Meds;

Jacob, do you have any idea how long the exhaustion might last? Is it maybe just the first couple of days and then gets better? My problem is I have no idea how long to “tolerate” it. Or am I just being totally overanalyzing things after only one day!!

Advice;

You’re not overanalyzing things. It’s perfectly normal to feel some concern, but when I first started taking an anti-anxiety/anti-depression medication I was exhausted for the first 4-5 days. What’s happening is your body is still trying to maintain “fight or flight” and the medication is already beginning to help. 

More;

My experience and what my doctor said would happen was the same. I thought Paxil was making me tired, and indeed it was because it was forcing me to start slowing down.

Paxil needs at least one and half weeks to kick in. I honestly believe that 90% of people saying they have side effects are telling themselves something bad is going to happen, which is what we do when we are badly stressed. We convince ourselves that something is wrong, when in reality nothing is wrong. We convince ourselves that there are problems, when there are no problems. Only situations (Eckhart Tolle).

I have had all of the symptoms described above whenever I started Paxil, and I had to wait it out for 2 weeks before everything came back into focus again.

I’ve heard people say that Paxil where off after so many years, but my doctor says that is incorrect. I have never found that to be the case. HOWEVER, if you are on a low dose like me at 10mg a day, and you have stressful “things” happening in your life, you can still fall into extreme anxiety – I did two weeks ago. Paxil is not the end all solution – it can help.

It always comes down to one thing (on meds or off) – don’t take your mind seriously. When it worries – laugh at it. When your mind tries to convice you that something bad is going to happen – ignore it.

I always tell people I know whenever they are stressed,

“Your mind can’t be trusted”

It’s true. Your mind is a simple tool that the ego works with to create deception, fear and misery. The ego loves the mind because it can be controlled and upset. The REAL you is NOT your mind, although you have be taught to believe that.

Laugh at your bad thoughts. When you hear a good thought, your are starting to here reality again coming through the fog.

Why is Buddha always laughing in pictures and statues? He’s laughing because he knows what is real. He is giggling at the insanity of mind and ego. We can also snicker at our worried mind. We have to stop taking ourselves so seriously. We are by nature still and at peace, but we have forgotten that.

Fear is fantasy. Peace is the light.

No go out for a walk and be sure to stop, sit in the grass, and put your hands deep into the grass. Remember when you were a bored kid sitting in the school field at some event, laying back on your hands in the grass?

It’s still the same. This is real. This earth is turning and you are here for a short visit. We are all going to die sometime – tomorrow, next year, or in 40 years. It’s not a problem – nothing is problem. Losing a job, house, marriage, loved one, or your body is not a problem. Your mind tells you it is a problem. Society tells us it is a problem, but it’s not a problem.

Whatever you are fearing is not a problem. Our ego can’t except loss of anything and our minds will dance with our ego into it’s own creation of hell.

Go downtown and find the crippled man laying in the street – stop, smile at him and say a kind word to him. You will see for the moment your anxiety vanish. When we are SELF absorbed we worry. When we are loving other life forms we are in tune again with our true selves.

Banish your mind and ego. Just use your mind to buy groceries, go to work, play with the kids, drive your car, brush your teeth, and go to bed. That’s all you have to do – just BE.

You don’t need to BE anything in this world, and you need to have anything either. Just be.
Be mindless for a few minutes a day.

Oh….and and just to remind you…………………….you are not terminally ill and you are NOT going to die.

Jacob

I’ve been telling myself and those around me for years now, that trying to be perfect at everything is a ridiculous and unachievable goal – a goal that can find you depressed and anxious, and even out of control. Now there is a study on this very subject to refer to. Please read this article on the effects of perfectionism – on yourself and the friends and family you affect every day. There is nothing wrong with putting in a GREAT effort, but you cannot afford to get hung up in the results – in the outcome of the effort.

Whatever you are working hard at achieving, remember to enjoy the effort in the moment and don’t get caught up in the outcome from the effort. Don’t worry about what people think of you, and don’t get hung up on your status and station in life. Enjoy each and every second being aware of what your ego (mind) is doing in the dance.

Remember that you are NEVER going to be perfect, and the outcomes from your hard work are NEVER going to be perfect. They can be “pretty darn good”, and likely pretty darn AMAZING in the long run, so you can enjoy the dance of life your playful time working with form – that’s all good. Just give up on ever being perfect at anything. In the words of Stewie Griffin,

“Let it goooooo Louis!”

Dear Jacob and Emma,I don’t really know what I’m doing writing this email. I wrote a very long comment on the article Managing and Diagnosing Extreme Anxiety Disorders, and then was too chicken to post it. I think I just need to reach out to someone who ‘gets’ it, you know?

Anyway. So, about a year ago, a bunch of really crap stuff happened in quick succession – a bunch of stuff I had no control over. I don’t want to go into detail about it, really, but the worst of the things that happened was my husband (who has Crohns disease) had a serious attack which almost killed him, and ended up having to have emergency surgery for that. That was probably the worst and scariest month I’ve ever had to live through.

It seemed like everything – big and small – went wrong. Everything. I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I tried my best to be the strong, together one who dealt with everything, so my husband wouldn’t have anything to worry about but getting better. I managed it, for the most apart. Until he started to fully recover, and then I had a month-long panic attack which just didn’t let up. I couldn’t eat, I barely slept. I threw up everything I tried to eat, and when it got really bad, everything I tried to drink, too.

I felt constantly nauseous and terrified, all the time, and couldn’t figure out why. I felt like I was waiting, in terror, for the next awful, horrible thing to go wrong. I went to doctors, who ran every test under the sun, and couldn’t find anything wrong with me. One of them even told me he thought it was psychological, but they all just sent me home without help.

After a month of this it got so bad I couldn’t move off the floor. I just lay there, crying, so scared I couldn’t even look up. So I called an ambulance and begged them to help. Got taken to a psych ward, where I stayed for a week. (Honestly, that was a relief; it felt safe there. For the first time in months, I felt safe.)

Since then, life has had its ups and downs. I’m doing everything right: trying to challenge my fears, taking all my medication, going to therapy… okay, I lied a bit about the last one. I haven’t been to therapy in a few months now. But I missed an appointment and am embarrassed to call her back because it’s been so long now. Plus, we can’t afford it. It’s been almost a year since this started, and I’m supposed to be getting better, I think… but I’m not better. I still don’t feel like me. My agoraphobia has flared up again and some days I can’t leave the house at all. Some days I can, as long as someone else drives. Some days (rarely) I can drive. Never on my own, though. I’m sometimes having trouble eating, but refusing to obsess about it because I’m too scared to end up throwing up all the time again. (Because that REALLY sucked, and if I go back there again I’ll end up on the psych ward again and back to square one.) I just feel like I’m not ever going to be normal again, you know? I can’t work, and the thought of doing perfectly routine things scares me, so I end up sitting at home doing nothing, trying to distract myself from life and all the scary things in it, and wishing I was ‘me’ again.

What if I’m never ‘me’ again? What if I have to fight to be happy and healthy for the rest of my life? I don’t think I can bear that thought. I’ve been having thoughts of suicide… not serious thoughts. Those horrible intrusive thoughts you get when the anxiety gets really bad, and everything is terrifying and everything you think of sends a fresh wave of panic through you, and you sit there thinking, “Jeez, I can’t do this. I can’t see any way out. I want to bang my head against a wall until I knock myself unconscious, just to stop these racing thoughts.” And then you think, “Why bother? I mean, it all ends up the same way anyway; we all die eventually. Why must I fight and suffer so much in the meantime? Let’s cut to the chase…” They’re horrible thoughts, and I’m not serious about them. I don’t want to kill myself. I don’t want to die. But I feel so trapped. I want to be alive again! It’s been so long since I’ve felt alive, and like myself.

I want to be better so badly, because I can’t live like this. I guess my question is this… will there come a time when I can look back on all of this and not remember what it was like? Will I ever be fully ‘me’ again, that fearless person who thought nothing of hopping on trans-atlantic flights, alone…? Will I be happy and hardly even think of anxiety at all, ever again? Or am I going to be fighting every day with this, for the rest of my life?

Where do I start putting my life back together – is there a place to begin, a path to take to being me and happy again? How do I do it?

Please help. I’m typing this at 1am because I can’t sleep, I’ve been terrified and crying all day. I hope I’m just hormonal or something (always seems to get worse at certain times of the month)… but part of me is so tired of fighting to get better. It’s like swimming upstream; you swim and swim and swim, as hard as you can, and then you look to the bank and see you haven’t moved at all. You’re just treading water, just fighting not to get dragged even further back. I guess it’s because it’s been so long since the initial attack that I’m feeling despondent and helpless. I had so much confidence in me, and that I could get better, half a year ago. But it’s been so long, it’s totally sapped my belief in myself.

I don’t know where to turn any more.

Thank you for listening. I’m sorry that you’ve got a long and rambling email from a stranger. I hope you don’t mind too much.

All the best,

Jenny

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Our Reply

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Hi Jenny,Sorry to hear you are stuck in the painful stages of extreme anxiety. Everything you have described is classic, and unfortunately VERY common in this new world of ours. All of the stressors that hit you have overwhelmed you, and the ONLY way leave behind the suffering is to learn the art of acceptance. I know that is a cliche and not something you want to hear, but in the end all of us humans have to learn to be like water – let go, let God, and move with the stream down the mountain side and avoid getting hung up when BIG changes come. Negative change is very hard to deal with, but you can (and will) succeed in re-adjusting your outlook.

The good news is; all of this anxiety and suffering is not REALLY you. You are going to have to disconnect from your mind to finally get back on track.

Ask yourself this right now;

Close your eyes, and slowly ask yourself this question;

“At this very second of time – at this very moment, is there REALLY any problems.”

The answer is most likely no.

This is called becoming present in the moment, and understanding what is real and what is false. Frightening thoughts about the future, and negative thoughts about yourself (or anyone else) in the past is completely false. The past is gone and not real – the future is not real either. You must learn to understand that the ONLY THING REAL is this very moment of time.

Your mind, and it’s endless negative thoughts, are false and NOT real, so begin learning to disregard all your frightening thoughts, and only embrace good thoughts. Good thoughts are REAL and bad thoughts are FALSE. Ever religion know to man points to this. Don’t take your thoughts and mind activity seriously, because right now it’s just obsessive ego thinking that is scaring you. Imagine grabbing a big lever and pulling down to shut off your brain and constant thinking. The sooner you slow down your thinking, the sooner you will begin to feel better again – your true self.

Repeat this to yourself this when you are alone.

“What am I going to think of next?”

Then wait. When the next negative thought comes, say this to yourself;

“That’s just my mind and it’s not reality – it’s fantasy. The reality is that everything is going to be fine.”

Then start again;

“What am I going to think of next?”

At some point you can ask yourself the same question and there will be no thoughts – THAT is when you will feel a great sense of relief. Thinking is NOT required most of the time in our lives. We need to need turn off our thinking AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

You are going to be OK Liz. I repeat. You ARE NOT losing your mind, and you are not going to hurt yourself or any one else. You are a loving and caring human being who was born beautiful and perfect. You are a very beautiful person and your mind (charged by ego) has hi-jacked your REAL self. Your real self is always with you in your body too. Listen to your breathing and pay attention to the sensations in your body because that is a true connection to the universal energy of intention, and perfection.

You will get through this, and you will be a much WISER human being with a great deal of compassion for others.

Love Jacob and Emma

It’s rare that any of us human beings ever stop our “constant thinking”. This is the problem of ALL our human ailments, dysfunction, and suffering. There are some humans that truly experience enlightenment, as the Buddha defined it, and they experience “the end of suffering”.

When my own personal anxiety was out of control, or when I’ve been miserable, I was “suffering”. I was suffering because my constant thinking and ego-based self was extremely busy making up stories and fantasies that played in my mind like a lousy movie.

I am still using a small dose of Paxil (10mg daily) and I have been quite stress free lately – as in the last 6 months, and I know why. Because I have been listening and reading material that is breaking apart and destroying my old mind patterns, fantasies, and stories. For those who end up using medication to balance their life, they should start reading as much as possible. There is so much to learn about how your mind works and why you ended up being overly stressed, depressed, or anxious. There is only ONE reason we suffer as humans – our minds and egos.

We live in a human society that is completely wrapped up in the “mind”. We as humans need to learn how our minds and our egos work, if we ever hope to find peace and see the end of suffering on a global level (and a personal level).

Your Mind Can’t Be Trusted

Your mind is simply a tool that you can use to function as a human being. It can help make decisions, add and subtract, read and write, take a bath, take clothes on and off, speak to one another, etc. – but it can’t be trusted for much more than the every day functions.

Your mind is a great collector of junk. It collects junk in the form of memories of the past (good or bad perceptions – it does not matter). If you have a bad memory then you replay what happened (usually what you THINK happened) over and over and over. This keeps you suffering.

If you have a “good” memory, you end up longing for a moment when you can feel that way again, regardless that the good memory was just a perception you had at the time, and likely had nothing to do with your situation or location at the time. This can leave people living in the past, or looking to a future time when they can MAYBE feel good again.

Your mind hates the NOW. It wants to live in the future and in the past. It fears living in the present moment, and will use ever trick it has to keep you from relaxing this very second. This is the only reason some people meditate – so they can get in touch with the present moment and rejoice in it. It gives their human mind a small (very small) break from it’s constant fantasies, and inaccurate stories.

If you truly want to start turning around your life experience on this earth, you need to stop listening to your mind’s old news reels and your ego’s stories. Your mind cannot be trusted. One of the most important aspects while meditating is the practice of letting ALL thoughts of the mind float by and not stop and take hold of your current moment. Our minds want to grab a thought, a story, an idea, and hold on to it. So-called GOOD or so-called bad – it does not matter to the mind. It wants to hold on to an old story or move on to a new story. Try to picture your thoughts as clouds in a blue sky moving quickly by. Don’t let any of them nestle in for the day or even for the minute. Let them float by as a natural process that does not have much bearing on anything at all. Don’t take your thinking very seriously.

Your Ego and Your Mind

Your mind has a close friend that it runs off and gets in trouble with every day. Even the so-called gurus of the new-age movement let their minds and egos run away with them on a daily basis. If any human being claims they live in a state of pure enlightenment all the time and every day – they’re obviously not. It is not possible for a human in the flesh to truly be in an enlightened state at ALL times. There are some rare people that are USUALLY in an enlightened state. Jesus the Christ and the Buddha were good examples of these kinds of enlightened human beings.

Most all human beings have an active mind that is hanging out with it’s buddy the ego. The mind has all it’s constant activity adding and subtracting what it perceives to be good and what it perceives to bad, and the ego looks for ways to set itself apart from every other human, and every other living being on the planet. The ego spends it’s time finding enemies, and it REALLY likes to judge.

Yes. The ego sees itself as the almighty powerful judge wearing long black robes and holding the gavel in judgment of every person, every experience, and every “happening” it comes across. The ego is a fantasy character created by the human mind.

Whenever you feel you need to defend yourself, judge someone, prove yourself, set someone straight, have more than the next person, etc., etc, that is your ego at work with it’s buddy “the mind”.

The End of Suffering Comes With Awareness

At first, you may “think” that there is no way you can stop thinking the way you do, and there is no way you can live an enlightened existence as your flesh incarnation during your visit on earth as a human being. I am happy to report that you CAN be conscious and enlightened. It’s VERY simple. Be AWARE.

Try this simple exercise. Ask yourself this question right now,

“I wonder what my mind is going to think about next?”

Then simply be aware of what you are thinking and wait for it. Be aware of every thought that comes through your mind. Don’t judge these thoughts as good or bad – just see them. When you see the thoughts coming through your mind let them simply float by like a cloud in a windy sky. At first this will feel strange because your mind, and it’s friend the ego, will want to stop those moving clouds, bring them down, and sit on them for awhile. The mind and the ego love suffering. They love the drama.

As you keep asking yourself, “What is my mind going to think of next”, you may find that you feel a great sense of peace. You may find that you feel a brief moment of peace – this is your mind stopping some of it’s noise for a brief moment. When you learn to shut down your mind and ego these pauses of peace will get longer. Eventually you have an underlying peace dominating your life, even when there is some stressful happenings going on in your day.

When you start to become aware of your mind and ego prancing around like the children they are, you will notice how stubborn they are. They’re usually feeling guilty about something, resisting something, avoiding something, looking for something. This doesn’t mean you need to punish your ego and mind. They just need your guidance. Let them run around the playground once and awhile and don’t punish them for running a muck with the other children (other egos and minds), because when you blame yourself or think badly of yourself it’s just more mind and ego. The real you loves you and loves everything and everyone – the real you is pure consciousness.

I will have to move along for today, but what I’m getting at is simple. When you become aware of your thoughts (your mind) and your ego, you will start to feel much better. If you can ever learn to completely get rid of your ego then your mind will only be used as a tool. You don’t have to accomplish that to be a very happy and relaxed human being. Just a little bit of awareness will take you there. However, once you have tasted this kind of peace, you will want to learn more. You will slowly being unraveling your anxiety.

More on this later….

Have a relaxing day, and don’t worry. Life IS good, and there nothing to worry about.